


A New Direction

by TwilightMaster15



Series: Mock Execution Fails [2]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blind Character, Deaf Character, Gen, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22898572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightMaster15/pseuds/TwilightMaster15
Summary: L and the task force forgot one not-so-tiny detail while going through with the mock execution: blanks fired in close range are extremely dangerous. Miraculously, Light manages to survive nonetheless, but in the process loses his vision and most of his hearing.L finds himself in a moral debate. Kira might be defeated if Light remains blind forever, but what if Light is innocent? Then shouldn't he do anything he can to help his friend recover? He doesn't know, because while Light seems innocent without memories, Kira was bound to have had a plan to recover that power.Navigating a new life with his main motivation being a fiery rage towards Kira, Light takes advantage of every loophole he can find to assist in the case regardless of his disabilities. But as the case winds to a close and no progress has been made in his eyes healing, he begins to fear everything he had ever worked for was for nothing.Unbeknownst to him, his plan as Kira has crashed and burned. How do you use the Death Note when you can't see someone's face? Eventually, a Shinigami will offer him the eye deal, which will repair his vision, but at the cost of half his lifespan. Will he take the deal?
Relationships: L & Yagami Light
Series: Mock Execution Fails [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646050
Comments: 9
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am not even kidding. Blanks are dangerous when fired right in someone's face, and so many things could have gone wrong in the mock execution I might start a series of all those things. There is one possibility that could have happened and has some extreme irony tied to it.

This couldn't be happening. There was no way. He was innocent, and L, his _friend_ , had staked his life on Light's death solving everything?! That couldn't be right, L would never... surely L should know if the killings stopped that he was innocent!

The gun hovered so close to him, resting between his eyes, he needed to cross them to actually see the weapon. His entire body trembled, tears beginning to fall as he pleaded for his life to his own father—something that had always been one of his worst nightmares.

"No, Dad!" 

The gun fired.

Light screamed as a torturous agony hit him. This wasn't a quick bullet to the head, no, he felt as though his eyes were burning out of his skull. That was the main thing he processed but knew there was more, which, thankfully, whatever God was out there was merciful enough to let him pass out before experiencing.

OoOoO

This couldn't be happening. This was supposed to be a harmless test, how could L have been so foolish and forgotten the detail that blanks were still very dangerous at close range?!

According to the doctor, Light was lucky to be alive. The shockwave could have penetrated his skull and fragments go into his brain, leaving him dead in a matter of days. Or it could have blown up in his face and killed him outright.

No, that hadn't happened, but L wasn't sure what did happen was going to be any better on Light's psyche. It didn't take a genius to see his eyes were horrifically damaged, and now he had bandages around them. The doctor had confirmed that at minimum, Light would need glasses, but it was more likely he would be blinded. Whether temporary or not, L didn't know. And that didn't count any other potential issues which could only be diagnosed with Light awake.

At the moment, Light had enough morphine in his system to be somewhat out of it even if he did wake up.

Even if Light was Kira, L was still sorry for him. Mostly because this had happened because L, who was supposed to never be wrong, had royally fucked up, and Light's vision and potentially hearing had paid the price. If he wasn't Kira, this was going to be a serious issue since he wanted to be a detective.

Then he realized... even if Light was Kira, he was defeated if he was blind since he couldn't see faces. He would be able to kill L and the task force since he would be able to remember their faces, but no new criminals would die.

And this put him in an ethical dilemma—and since this never happened usually, he didn't know what to do about it. Either he could take responsibility for how this was partially his fault and pay for surgeries and therapies necessary to repair his eyes. Or he could appreciate the fact Light wouldn't be able to kill again and leave him blinded for the rest of his life even if he was innocent.

Needless to say, the chief was devastated and felt terrible for what had happened. L had noticed that Mr. Yagami didn't blame him, saying he should have remembered that blanks were dangerous and said something. That was the general consensus of everyone that since nobody had thought of it and said something, they were all partially to blame. That didn't change the fact Misa hated them all, and L found he couldn't blame her as she vowed to stay by Light's side and help him through this.

They all sat together in the hospital room waiting for Light to wake up, hoping he would. L still heard Light's agonized shriek echoing through his head, and even if Light had seen through this, that didn't change the fact he had actually gotten hurt.

L had paid the doctors and nurses to let them stay after visiting hours since they all wanted to make sure Light woke up and were afraid of any issues bound to reveal themselves shortly.

It was around two in the morning when Light woke up. Almost immediately, he felt at the bandages around his eyes like a blindfold.

"What happened?" L sighed, already noticing Light was louder than usual, meaning that either he was afraid or his hearing was damaged or both. 

The task force looked to L. Even though it was an agreement they were all at fault, L had been the one voted to tell Light about his new disability. But was the second he woke up the right time to say to him, "Hey, sorry about probably traumatizing you, but you're also blind for potentially forever."

L pressed a button by the bed, so a doctor came in to look him over, and he knew a doctor was bound to break the news to Light much gentler than L would.

And the hopes of Misa and the task force sunk even more when it became clear Light had trouble hearing. Not wholly deaf, but it was harder now.

Even though L didn't usually care, it was heartwrenching to watch the doctor explain what had happened. It took a couple times repeating for Light to get the message, and L sent a text to Watari to purchase some hearing aids, so hopefully, that problem would be resolved.

It would be irrational to think Light won't be distressed by this for a long time, and probably angry. There was an 87% chance he would lose trust in the task force as a whole, but focusing mostly on his father and L himself. Matsuda was likely the first to be forgiven for this since he was an idiot, and there was no way he would have known blanks were dangerous. Hopefully, they would be able to at least temporarily direct that anger at Kira and give Light even more motivation to help catch him.

He watched as Soichiro and Misa tried to calm a panicking Light, who got increasingly more frantic by the second.

They would be able to get around this for the case, but L knew that Light's life was never going to be the same again. Everything was going to change.

OoOoO

The life of a blind man was not something Light wanted to or ever thought he would experience, yet here he was. Being mostly deaf wasn't a huge deal since he had been given hearing aids—which he could turn off when L was talking about the probability of him being Kira—but blindness was a different story.

If there was one thing about L that Light was grateful for, it was the fact the detective didn't treat him like an easily breakable China doll, just a human being. Light wanted to be part of the case regardless of his disability? Change the keys on his laptop to Braille so he could still type, and the computer reads aloud what it shows, so put headphones on Light. It wasn't super convenient, but at least he wasn't useless. If he was, he wasn't sure he'd be able to cope, but L had found ways around the problem.

As much as he hated to admit it, the chain connecting him and Ryuzaki also came in handy. Having a walking stick partially worked, but there were times it was beneficial to have someone able to quickly pull him away from colliding into walls.

But no matter how manageable this newfound disability was in task force headquarters, who had ever heard of a blind and mostly deaf police officer? The goal he had been working towards his whole life was out of his reach, potentially forever. If the treatments Ryuzaki had permitted him to get didn't start working soon, he would have to start rethinking his whole future. That is, assuming he could get L to stop suspecting him of being Kira because if that didn't happen, the only future he would have was six feet under.

He sighed, adjusting his blindfold again as it started slipping. Of all the strange life changes, a blindfold wasn't an expected one. But blindness wasn't like in the movies where it was just endless black. No, he still could recognize being in a dark or bright room. It was just so blurry he couldn't focus on anything and got headaches as his eyes worked to no avail to see through the fog.

That was why the simple cloth blindfold was needed, but it was always slipping down his face and driving him nuts. After losing his sight and most of his hearing, his other senses had enhanced, so he could feel every single millimeter it moved.

The computer started spewing nonsense at him again, meaning the page froze, so he had to click around to find the refresh button, feeling stares from people as a new hand guided the mouse to the correct place. Having in the last three weeks memorized the feeling of the hands of the whole task force since this wasn't the first time this happened, he identified this assistance as Matsuda.

"Thanks, Matsuda." He said because while he was irritated, this help had been needed, so he didn't click around and break another computer, he wanted to show he was still aware of his surroundings.

Towards the back of the room, he heard a squeal of his name from Misa and turned down his hearing aids, finding that at least this cloud had a silver lining of being able to ignore people. It was going to be a sad day when Misa learned he was currently forcefully tuning her out, and even worse when she figured out how to turn them back up. He had been told Misa had developed tinnitus from the gunshot, and Light found himself a little bitter his father had been fine—then he felt like a horrible person for wishing harm on his father who had been just trying to get suspicion off him. But he couldn't be angry at L either since that distracted from the case, so he focused all his fury on Kira.

He jumped a little when he felt something that definitely wasn't Misa was in front of him. He held his hands out and found himself holding the face of a dog.

"Surprise!" He turned up the hearing aids so he could hear the explanation for this animal in the headquarters. He could tell Misa was grinning, "I got you a guide dog! This is Penny, she's a golden retriever."

"Who the hell is going to clean up after that thing?!" Aizawa asked, and everyone except Light looked in the direction of Matsuda.

"Thank you, Misa," he said politely, bending down and petting the dog, "Maybe now I don't have to rely on L to make sure I don't run into walls or fall down the stairs." He sent a glare in the direction of where he knew the detective was. Whenever L was in a bad mood, something he would forget to remind Light about steps. Working on the case was easy, but getting around this death trap of a building was something else entirely. Well, he probably only thought it was a death trap since he didn't know where anything was.

Unbeknownst to him, a Shinigami by the name of Ryuk was watching from his realm, both laughing and swearing. Because Kira's plan had relied on being able to regain ownership by killing the new Kira, but how do you kill someone with the Death Note if you don't know how to spell their name and can't see their face?


	2. Chapter 2

L had been reading quietly and waiting for Light to finish his shower when he heard a pained scream and instantly got up, running into the bathroom. _Once_ had he left Light be when he heard a sound like that, and Light had collided with the counter and knocked himself out.

He found Light was in the shower, sobbing, and that seemed to be making it worse. L stripped quickly and hopped in the shower, trying to see what the issue was, and he winced when he saw the burns on Light's face and how badly damaged his eyes were. All things considered, Light hadn't taken too much damage to his face as Misa had pointed out in attempts at comfort. But he did have a sort of band between his eyes—easily hidden by the blindfold—pinpointing precisely where the gun had gone off, and there were burns. And his eyes... once beautiful cocoa brown were bloodshot, clearly burned, and cloudy. 

The burns would heal given time, and with the help of all the best doctors in the world, it was already well on its way to not even scarring too severely, but L feared Light's eyes wouldn't.

He knew Light couldn't hear him at the moment, so the best course of action was to place both hands on Light's shoulders to show him there was someone else here, and Light knew that was someone asking what was wrong. But L noticed the problem instantly that Light had gotten soap on the burns, and it hurt like a bitch.

It took a moment, and L could tell Light hated feeling so helpless in which even the smallest things like soap in the eyes was agonizing, but was willing to be compliant. L slowly grabbed a bucket, filled it with water, and dumped it on his head to get the soap out, and then turned off the shower, dabbing the water away from the burns and Light's eyes.

That was as much assistance as Light allowed, backing away and feeling for the bar, which was installed in the bathroom so Light could guide himself to the counter where his clothes were, and L tried not to think about the fact he could very clearly see Light's ribs. For someone newly blind and deaf, Light was doing remarkably well. However, L knew that entering society as an average person where these kinds of lifestyle adjustments which came so easy in task force headquarters would be impossible would be very hard.

After taking a moment to figure out which was the front and back of his clothing, Light dressed into pajamas and put his hearing aids in, "Thank you, Ryuzaki." He rasped, and it was clear such a statement was extremely hard on him, and whatever was left of his pride.

And yet, Light still managed to walk out of the bathroom with no assistance whatsoever and the grace of someone who wasn't suffering from everything Light was. L quickly dressed and saw Light was climbing into bed, changing the blindfold for a sleep mask. His guide dog, who was gloriously well behaved and quiet, was at his feet, curled up.

L had decided there was no point in making Light wear the chain to bed, since not only had this led to issues with Light rolling and tying himself up, but since he was blind, he couldn't kill anyone. It was that little tidbit that had the task force asking what the point of the handcuffs was, and at this point, it was more to make sure Light didn't crash into things and knock himself out again.

L sighed, looking at where Light was trying to get comfortable, the burns much more apparent when highlighted by the pale moonlight shining in through the window. Even in sleep, it was clear Light suffered.

He could practically hear Misa calling him a creep as he watched Light intently until he saw the boy's breathing even out. Once he was sure Light was asleep and not going to wake up, L got up and walked out of the room, knocking softly on Watari's door. His adopted father opened the door and saw L there, the bags under his eyes even darker than usual. He quickly ushered L in and sat him down. This wasn't the first time L had come in here once Light was asleep because he just... needed a moment.

See, while Light was blind during his waking moments, he could still see when he dreamed. So three guesses what happened every single time Light woke up in the morning, especially because he hadn't even been blind for a month yet.

It had taken L a while to realize what was so different. Light had had panic attacks frequently while in confinement, there had actually been moments he just broke down into hysteria, which L had quickly realized was a form of Death Row Syndrome. And now, it seemed to have evolved to border on Stolkholm Syndrome at times. But the difference between seeing Light suffer in that cell and now was many things, but the big ones were that while the imprisonment's harmful effects on Light's health were temporary, blindness and deafness were permanent unless he found a miracle worker of a doctor. And Light suffered in silence now, as though those two months in a cell had taught him that nobody was going to help him, so why bother vocalizing your problems? Only when he was in debilitating pain or was startled did he admit to needing help, but there had been a time Light hadn't eaten all day, but had never told them he was hungry.

Watari poured them some tea, and L forced himself to sip at it. His hands were shaking, and Watari gently guided the cup away before he scalded himself. 

He came here every night for the last two weeks, as a sort of coping mechanism, because the stress of knowing when Light awoke he was going to have another panic attack had taken a worse toll on his mental health than expected. It was a reminder that it was his stupid mistake that had cost his friend everything, whether he was Kira or not.

But he was still torn. He wanted to help Light, but what if he was Kira? Well, correction, what if he _used to_ be Kira? That was even worse, the idea Light had for some unknown reason lost all his memories of being a mass murderer, meaning an innocent was blinded while another Kira ran rampant. However, there was a high chance that if Light had lost his memories, he had a plan to get his power back. Sure, there was an equally high chance the blindness was going to make that plan crash and burn...

Just like Light's eyes had burned.

He felt bile try to enter his mouth, but he forced it back down, glad to have Watari's quiet presence with him. He checked his laptop, where the cameras showed him Light sleeping. Even through the screen, he could see how thin Light had become, still far below his normal healthy weight.

"Watari, have you found any other doctors to try helping him?" First things first, treating those burns, then they'd start seeing what could be done about his sight, but L still heard a dark voice in his head telling him to keep Light blind forever to ensure Kira never returned.

But when he really thought about it, did he want to keep Light blind for the sake of sparing criminals, or his own life? He also sometimes wondered if Light even remembered enough of L's face to kill him even if he somehow got the name. It had been three months since Light had seen his face.

And was it even possible to restore Light's eyesight, even if only to a point he could see but would need glasses? They were all so caught up in finding doctors, but would the laws of reality even allow this to be possible?

Emotions were such a tricky thing, and L often felt he would be better off without them. Yes, that was a psychopath, and he knew it, but he was also sitting on this chair with guilt and moral debate suffocating him and dreading every time Light woke up and had a fit of panic before remembering what had happened, so he weighed those options. Constant misery? No emotion which could improve his deductive abilities? He would take psychopathy, thank you very much. He was already a selfish, lying monster, what's one more thing to add onto it? Unfortunately, he was still stuck with feelings.

"I have not found anyone suitable who we haven't already tried." Watari replied, putting some cake in front of L, "When was the last time you ate? You're worrying me, L, you're never like this." L looked at the cake and decided to see if eating made him feel better. It did, but only a little.

"I'm just trying to motivate myself to go back into that room and await another panic attack from Light. I should have known the blank would hurt him, why didn't I think of that?"

Watari sighed, pulling L close and hugging him. The young man was brilliant, but his self-esteem was so fragile that one mistake could send him into depression, and with that error in judgment costing his friend his eyesight and hearing made the problem even worse.

And while L would never say those words aloud, he still thought to himself: _I'm sorry, Light._


	3. Chapter 3

Light blearily opened his eyes, the first thing he immediately registered being the complete silence and the unusual blackness surrounding him. It took him a moment longer than he would like to admit, to realize he was wearing a sleep mask and took it off, only to discover to his growing panic and horror that he hadn't fixed the problem. He still couldn't see anything except enough cloudy, indistinct brightness to tell him it was morning.

Wait, why couldn't he see? He'd just been dreaming, and he could see just fine. What had happened?!

He felt hands on his shoulders that he quickly identified as Ryuzaki's before he grew too frantic about the situation, "Why—" he shouted, trying to be heard, "Why can't I see?!"

It all came back to him as slowly as Ryuzaki held him, of that mock execution, and that dreadful look on his father's face which may be the last thing he would ever see. He tried to picture happy memories, but it always drifted back to that one, and that his own father had blinded him.

Surely his father must have known this would happen, right? He was a cop, so surely he must have known blanks were dangerous. Light whimpered pathetically, knowing he was being irrational, but that fear held a firm grip over his heart nevertheless. If anything, he should be recoiling from L's soothing embrace, but if he had figured out anything since becoming blind, it was that L had not known this would happen and did not mean any harm.

This didn't mean, by any standards, that he was going to pretend that the mock execution or that confinement which had gone on for way too long and had been driving him mad almost to the point of seeking a swift end hadn't been L's orders. It just meant that he held no fear of L as a person—the power he held was one thing, but as a person, he wasn't overly intimidating. 

He felt his guide dog get up and nuzzle her face against his cheek, making him smile a bit as he fumbled around for his hearing aids and put them in, and L spoke softly, not quite like his usual monotone voice, but close enough that Light decided to ignore the change,

"Are you hungry? Watari can make pancakes if you want." 

Light's stomach growled as though to say that yes, that would be very nice. So he nodded, 

"That actually sounds great. Um..." Light moved past Ryuzaki, mumbling to himself, "Where did it go...?" the brightness from what he assumed was the window was starting to give him a headache. If he wanted to get anything done today to distract himself from his disabilities, which would prove to have ruined his life the second he left headquarters, he needed to finish this case. That meant he couldn't get a headache just because he was a newly blind man who was sensitive to lights without his blindfold.

Penny was ready to go, and he took hold of her leash, glad to not have the handcuffs now that he had the dog, which was his new method of not crashing into walls. She learned quick and helping him all the way to the kitchen. He was surprised to hear Matsuda was in there too,

"Good morning, Light!" He chirped, blissfully unaware of the pain of having every dream you've ever had since you were a child ripped away. Light just groaned in response, hoping to not have another incident of the food falling off his fork, not realizing it for a good few moments, and looking like an idiot while everyone stared at him with pity.

"Morning. Any new progress on the case?"

"Nothing yet, but Misa-Misa got a lead role in the next movie she's gonna be in."

Ah, movies, another thing he wouldn't be able to experience anymore. He sighed, trying not to think about it. All wasn't lost yet. Another eye doctor was coming next week to see if anything could be done about his eyes—he would take glasses or contacts at this point, whatever it took if he could just _see_ again.

"I'll have to congratulate her." He muttered, and while he didn't sound enthusiastic, he really meant it. She was able to go on with her life, and it would be wrong of him to wish otherwise just because everything had gone all wrong for him.

Matsuda, at the very least, had a conversation with him unrelated to his disabilities. However, Light knew it was the elephant in the room, which would explain why L was simply typing away on his computer as Light ate—meaning L had more than likely ate already. Honestly, did the man ever sleep?

"Strange..." L muttered, and Light frowned,

"What's strange?"

"There has seemed to be an increase in the deaths of businessmen lately—the media hasn't explained the cause of death, but don't you think this is something we should look further into?"

A lead that L had been able to find since Light couldn't multitask. Maybe he shouldn't be as hard on himself—after all, even if he had fucked up once, he was still the greatest detective in the world and had proven that multiple times in this case alone. Who cares if Light probably would have been able to find that just as fast or maybe even make a game of who could find it first, if he could only see what was in front of him?

Nevertheless, it was still a solid basis to go on, and the first decent lead they had had in the last month, "It's certainly a start. I'll finish eating and get researching." He adjusted his blindfold after eating, having memorized the route to the sink, and fumbled around for the scrub brush and the soap, washing it to the best of his ability, but having this sinking feeling that he was missing a spot.

Knots formed in his stomach as Matsuda offered, "I can help you if you need."

"I'm fine, goddamnit!" Light snapped, and he could tell Matsuda had recoiled for the ferocity. He took a deep breath, "It's okay, Matsuda, I don't need any help with the dish." He walked back to the table, accidentally stumbling over Penny, "Fuck, sorry, Penny." He pet the guide dog, who had momentarily yelped, but was quiet again as he pet her, running his fingers through her soft fur and imagining colors and trying not to cry.

This new doctor had to be able to help. There had to be something that could fix this. Not because this was something that should have been a long since mastered technological advance...

But because it was Light's only hope, and he didn't know what he would do without it.


End file.
